Reflection on HBS Acceptance

…. And at the end of it, I am most proud of my resilience through the process

It was 1AM at Labuan Bajo on December 9th, 2022. It was difficult for me to really be present that day, even amid the beautiful underwater scenery around Komodo National Park. My mind was a lot calmer during sunset time after I reminded myself that regardless of the result, it does not change my value as a person, and it does not define my personal worth.

I logged in to the HBS platform, and there it was:

An update to your application was last posted December 8, 2022. View update >>

I clicked on the View Update button and…

My heart dropped and filled with gratitude. I also cried. It took 2 years to get here and below is my reflection on the journey.

1. The inspiration

If you were to told me three years ago that I will attend HBS, I would have scoffed and said that I don’t think it was possible for me. The inspiration originally came from a good friend, Adi Putra, during a mis-dialed IG call back in mid-2020. I was just expressing how inspirational he is that he will attend HBS with LPDP (Indonesia government scholarship). He really encouraged me to give it a shot - and somehow then, I still thought that it will be too difficult to achieve.

Further, towards the end of 2020, I was helping a good friend, Reza, to craft his HBS essay. As fate has it all three of us, Adi, Reza, and I, were all in Bali during that period. We had a dinner together and when we took a selfie, Adi said - let this be a memento when one day, all three of us attending HBS. I could only say amen to that wish.

Reza also received his HBS offer on March 2021.

Here is the selfie that really sets the inspiration.

2. The first attempt

Knowing that Reza also attending HBS really fires up my motivation. Amidst an extremely intense project at work, I added the workload to prepare for my HBS application. I needed to take GMAT multiple times to pass the 700 bar, then wrote my application, and collected recommendation letter. As an additional note, I only applied to HBS and kept telling myself that if it is not HBS, I would not go for an MBA.

My reflection on the first attempt was that I did not really understand my own motivation of applying. It mainly came from a place that I needed to achieve more and also to gain external validation to fulfill me. At the same time, I was not aware of the limit of my own mental health. Putting myself through the intense MBA application, on top of intense project at work, during the global pandemic was too much for me to handle. And that was when I started struggling to wake up, feeling constant exhaustion, and easily triggered. After multiple visits to a psychologist, I was diagnosed with anxiety and depression - the doctor asked me to take six weeks off work. I also have to admit now that during my time off work, I did not use it to fully rest the mind, I use it to complete my HBS application.

3. The waitlist… and the rejection

Long story short, I was invited for an interview for HBS back in November 2021. I felt that the interview went super well. In December 2021, the announcement came and I was put on the waitlist. The anxiety continued as I had to wait until March 2022 for the final decision (with an additional essay due in February 2022). When March 2022 came, I found out that I was rejected. I felt sad, disappointed, and heartbroken. My mind went crazy and kept asking what was wrong and made me question my worth.

I took my time to process the rejection, I let myself feel sad and disappointed. Now I can say that I am grateful for the rejection because it taught me that

“No amount of external validation and achievement can make me feel enough if I don’t feel enough myself.”

The inner journey to process the failure of my first HBS application provides me with a life-changing lesson. I dug really deep if I should re-apply and found a new motivation:

“I am doing this NOT for the external validation and achievement. I am doing this because I want to prioritize myself and to finally find a space to reflect.”

4. The second attempt… with renewed motivation

With the renewed motivation and energy, I completed my re-application process. During the second attempt, I kept reminding myself with the mantra.

“I am enough, what is meant for me will be mine at the perfect timing”

In the process, I also shifted the mindset that the rejection might also mean that the timing is not now but maybe for later. I realize that the rejection was actually a gift. Given that I am supporting my family financially, if I were to leave for MBA on August 2021, it would be extremely difficult for my younger sister to complete her undergraduate degree. The extra year also ended up allowed me to be promoted at work as well.

I finally completed the second attempt of my application on September 2022. I felt a lot calmer and more reflective during the process. When I completed the HBS interview in November 2022, I could not ask for a better discussion. Timing could not be better as well, because by then, I have also secured the government scholarship to attend HBS.

5. The happy news and gratitude

It has only been less than a week since I received the news and I could not be more grateful. This HBS journey really makes me dig deep to understand myself better. This piece of writing is also a difficult one for me to write because I am not really good at celebrating and sharing my personal success - due to prior personal experience.

I am grateful for all the people who supported me in this journey, from reviewing (and grammar-check) my essays, writing recommendation letter (twice for Guillaume), being a thought partner, providing mock interviews, to praying continuously. I am thankful for the reflective lessons - I would not know myself this well, if it weren’t for this journey. And at the end of it, I am most proud of my resilience through the process.